WORDS OF FAITH with PASTOR KATAI
Love means many things. It means giving. It means sharing. It means forgiving. It means understanding. It means being patient. It means learning. And you must always consider the other side, the other person. You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving. Young couples get married and don’t realise it’s different from courtship. You have to work at your marriage; it’s two-sided, and you’d better realise that.
Here are some needs that men need fulfilled by their wives. One of man’s greatest needs is companionship. God knew that when he said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him” (Gen. 2:18). God knew that without female companionship and a partner for reproduction, the man could never fully realise his humanity.
You will agree with me that during the dating process a woman usually accompanies a man on all the things he likes to do. That is one of the things that draws him closer and creates intimacy with her. Many times after they get married she stops hanging out with him and doing things he enjoys.
A Christian wife recently complained to her husband that she is seldom taken out for leisure and recreation as it was the case during their courtship. The husband seems to be much more occupied with so many things to do – office and church work. According to her, she feels not loved anymore. She feels not much cared for. She said her husband does not have a heart for her and the two kids.
While a man does need time with other men, I think most women would be surprised at how much a man desires his wife to be by his side. Your husband wants to do things with you. He wants you by his side during recreational activities. This is the intimacy of doing things together – it’s how males bond.
One way a woman can be proactive about offering support is to work on her husband’s strengths, not his weaknesses. Focus on the things he does right rather than being overly critical of his weaknesses. Then help him understand his strengths. Be intentional about understanding what strengths you have that he doesn’t, and what strengths he has where you are weak. Embrace your differences. Partner with him to use your strengths to compensate for the areas where he is lacking. God gave you this incredible influence in your man’s life to empower him. Power is given by God to serve others, not to enslave or crush them.
Being appreciated is one of a man’s primary needs. He measures himself through his achievements and needs them to be recognised. When a woman seeks appreciation she is likely seeking to be understood and validated. Men derive their worth from what they do, while women derive their worth more from who they are.
To some extent I agree with this woman. Being an average man with a job, a wife, and two children can be a little boring. It often seems like all work and no play. All boys and young men grow up with dreams, picturing themselves overcoming impossible odds, wounded and exhausted – to eventually and gallantly win an epic battle between good and evil.
Since for many men, what they do for a living defines who they are, they often end up dissatisfied or frustrated with their lot in life. The burdens and stresses of providing food, shelter, and the day-to-day necessities for a family can be overwhelming. The challenge becomes finding something that brings significance in what he does, some goal or vision to work toward that inspires and inflames his passion.
Having a woman who encourages his dreams can fulfill a man’s need for risk and adventure that all men possess, even if it’s buried deep within his soul. Even if he never does anything with them, a man needs to dream about things greater than he is. Because of the wife’s support a man can live the satisfying and fulfilling life he has always dreamed of – a life of significance and adventure. She should encourage and believe in her husband when he does not believe in himself.
So woman listen to your husband’s dreams, even if you think they are unreachable. He will love and appreciate the fact that you encouraged him rather than discouraged him. Later in life, he will look at you and appreciate you very much.
Most men have been raised by a mother who nurtured them and took care of their needs. Generally, most men were not raised to be the caretakers within a family. They grow to expect this kind of loving care from women who love them. It is one of the reasons men can be such babies when we are sick – we desire that nurturing touch from a woman. And when the world is beating us up we need the restorative healing that a woman’s touch brings. Her understanding and empathy is important in grounding us when the world crashes down upon us. A woman’s belief in a man empowers him like nothing else. His need for her respect and admiration is foundational in his self-esteem and belief in himself.
He also needs time to himself. Often when he comes home from work it takes a while for him to disengage from work mode and transfer into family mode. Having time to himself helps him facilitate this change. Males process information and emotions by thinking about them. Regardless of the circumstances, men need downtime to recharge their batteries. He needs to regroup and ready himself for the next day or week’s challenges.
“Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun – all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun”. Ecclesiastes 9:9
When my wife needs me it allows me to fulfill my God-created role as provider and protector. When she asks me for help, I am excited to lend a hand. Without those roles, my purpose in life is taken away. Women today are much more self-sufficient and self-reliant than they were in the past.
Most women today are capable of earning enough income to support themselves and even their families. Many believe they can raise their children on their own and even live a life without a man. In fact, in some marriages, men aren’t even necessary to provide food and shelter anymore. Hence, most of the reasons for men being needed (and valued) have been eradicated from our culture. Without those traditional roles, many men are floundering, seeking a purpose in life.
So how can we redefine why men are indeed necessary? Yes, women can provide and even raise children without the presence of a man, but those children’s lives are enriched by a good male role model. Male creativity and their powerful ability to build things remain vital today. So men are needed. As a wife, make sure your husband knows that he is necessary and that your life is enhanced through your need for him. Your need is a blessing in his life that gives it substance and meaning.
Man – “May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth” (Proverb 5:18). Blessings!
Comments: email pkatai@yahoo.com or thabokatai@gmail.com or sms 0967/0955- 778068
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